Hello Is there anyone there?

Once again I am writing on a statement said in my office.  And of course I heard this more than once in a three day span so it must be important.  It sounded like this “no one ever really listens to me.”  Wow.  Ouch! (I don’t really count of course, because I am paid to listen.) This was stated by two separate clients between the ages of 9 and 14. The experiences were different, the kids were different, and the responses were different- but the feeling was the same. One child decided to stop trying, to just give up, to not talk at all. The other gave the adults one final test and made up a pretty extravagant lie that involved outside authorities before the truth came out. But for both of them the motive was the same, feeling unheard.

Have you ever felt unheard? Maybe at a very noisy concert -where you are trying to communicate with someone to no avail.  Maybe at a group gathering -when everyone is talking at once and the loudest person wins. Maybe in a job -when you have a good idea and are trying to get others to buy in.  Maybe in a relationship -where no matter how hard you try no one is understood.  But was it ever as a child, when you just wanted to be heard by the grown-ups? Think back for just a moment and remember what it was like. You were a small person in a land of giants, always listening, watching, interacting, and learning.   But never feeling like you completely fit.  You may have been noticed, especially if you were naughty, but there was always that big person that made you feel invisible.  Hopefully in your life there was that one person that we just knew they cared. They acted different- they got down to our size, they looked us in the eye, and they listened to what we said no matter how long it took to get it completely out.  I had a someone say to me she wanted to parent like my husband and I did, because no matter how old the kids were we always acted like what they had to say was important.  We listened and responded.  I guess they had not seen that much in their own lives.  Ouch. 

By definition to be heard is to feel in your heart that the listener is presently participating in the shared experience of communication.  To know that they are trying to understand exactly what you are trying to communicate- to really get it right. It makes us feel validated, like we have value and worth.  That we are not an interruption or an inconvenient noise that must be responded to. 

Sometimes others speak quietly. Sometimes others don’t have the words.  Sometimes others don’t know what to say or how to say it.  Sometimes others are children.  I have learned that God uses many means to speak his truth- nature, unbelievers, and children.  And God regularly uses these means to communicate on a regular basis because they are so receptive.  Unfortunately sometimes the packaging causes us to not hear the truth.   So I encourage you to truly listen, with your heart, to the message of another sometime today. And remember you may actually be changing someone’s life.

One Snappy Saying

I am known within my family for snappy sayings, some more memorable than others, but all relevant at the time they are declared.  And there are many, oh so many (possibly because I don't remember the sage sayings of our time such as: a rolling stone gathers no moss, so I make one up that is sort of close- but usually I miss the mark by a mile).  However there is one I am still using in my professional life, that is as relevant today as it was 20 years ago when I first said it.  No matter what people say, the facts remain the same.  It is simply a good statement because: one- it is so simple; two- it is easy to remember; and three- it beats my favorite enemy, the media.  The story began back when a well known children's film company put out a "historical" cartoon and my children wanted to see it.  I have to say I was a bit put off by the main character being built like a Barbie doll on steroids, and my desire to help my children understand that there is no recipe for beauty.  So we researched the true story, went to the movie, then compared notes.  And guess what- the names remained the same but the story was changed to bring in income. And my kids got another good lesson in creative distortions.  So I made up the saying "No matter what people say, the facts remain the same", and began repeating it as often as necessary (sometimes as much as once a day, depending on the environmental circumstances, or my mood).

To use this statement I must first give you the rules and regulations that go with this saying. 

First your child needs to have an understanding of one small word, possibly the most important word in the saying: FACTS.  My child definition goes something like this (it is not Webster endorsed but child friendly):  "Facts are something EVERYONE can look at and see it is true.  For example the sky is blue, or grass is green.  I may feel that the sky is green, and I can say it over and over, but factually the sky is not green (unless it is before a tornado but that is pretty irrelevant for most of us on an average day). Facts are NOT feelings, feelings change but facts stay the same -they are constant."  Feelings are good but not a good basis for self or other evaluation- we need both.

Second your child needs a reference base, something that they can understand for comparison sake, similar to an example but a bit more relevant to your specific situation. Here is where you take a familiar experience and apply it to the saying.  For example your child is playing with a friend and there is a disagreement on what to play, the offending child says "You're a stupidhead!"  Here our saying fits very well : just because they are called a stupidhead does not necessarily prove they are stupid- look at the facts. 

Third, understanding as a parent why it is important to media proof our children.  In today's culture we often look to the authorities to tell us the facts of a situation, unfortunately within that reporting they can manipulate the words for a specific outcome.  There have been many individuals who have been misrepresented by the media, and the media will later apologize after the individual confronts them on their inaccuracy. But the damage is already done- we heard it and it placed an idea, a possibility in our minds, that will always return when we hear that persons name again.  It is known in the court system that even though a judge can eleminate a statement made in the courtroom the jury does not forget it, especially when it is incriminating.  Words have power and if percieved as fact they have more power. We have a responsibility to teach our children to be descriminating, to question what is said and not merely accept it all as truth or fact.  This will eventually help them in adolescense to determine a better sense of themselves, who they factually are not what others may say about them.

So finally, my most memorable saying to date.....cute as a flea on a pigs snout- really what more must I say? 

Reminisings of the Year Gone Past

I have admitted regularly that I am truly ADD, with a little H mixed in at social gatherings - so my lack of posting is really not my fault at all, just the result of faulty brain wiring.  I will not promise better behavior in the coming year because I don't make promises I cannot guarantee (this my children will positively verify - promises can be broken but not fixed), but I can say that if a good topic enters my office this will be the first place it will be discussed.  And since that has not happened recently (not since September if my blog is any indication) I will take a brief moment to remember the past year and hope to find some significance for you within these ramblings. (Side bar- if you have an interesting topic please email me, I am way open to suggestions from here on out!)

This has been a truly significant year in the life of this parent.  This year I learned that sage wisdom is really that - wisdom.  For a certain saying often spoken to young parents, is more than just a saying but reality. Many wise people attempted to impart their wisdom to me- and I tried to take it seriously but do not believe I totally grasped the wisdom until this year. I learned that as parents we need to "Enjoy every minute, they grow up fast."  Sometimes I was in the "enjoyment" part, like playing static tag in the dark- and sometimes I was in the "please grow up fast" part, like when my son was throwing up into my hands at church. But I think all the time I really did not think about the fact that someday they would leave- no really leave- like grow up and get married leave. I think that during my children's childhoods I just thought "Make it to bedtime alive."  And they did. And now they are gone. 

This has been a year of changes.  I participated in the biggest days of both my children's lives. Their weddings. Both were married within a five month period.  One in New Zealand, and one in the Colorado Rockies.  Both with: amazing God filled ceremonies; beautiful brides; amazing flowers; breath taking locations; many loving friends and family; and most importantly two loving spouses.  And in a blink of an eye, my role changed.  I was no longer in charge of paying their bills, arranging their schedules, or worrying about their safety late at night.  All the nose wiping, late night tear talks, picking up toys, matching tiny socks, schedule arranging, car-pooling, discipline negotiating was over.  Just like that.  And in that moment I had only one regret......that it was over.  I would do every second of it again, if I only had the chance.  I would take the bad (all of it, even the Strong Willed part) if I could just get a chance to be Mommy one more time.

So to all my loyal parents, please take this Empty Nester's advice:  Enjoy EVERY moment, because it will be over before you know it.  Make your kids a priority.  Let them know that you love them and are there for them.  Love your spouse to the best of your ability because in doing so you love your children. You really only get to live their childhood years once, don't miss a second of it.  The rest of the world will always be there demanding your attention, but your kids are only there for a moment, needing your attention.  Don't miss out.

Afterthoughts

It has come to my consciousness (yes that is the best term I could come up with for an opening sentence) that many things in our lives are afterthoughts. Things like balancing the checkbook, putting water in the dog bowl (when they actually prefer the toilet), dusting after vacuuming not before, mouthwash after brushing.   Or thoughts such as, "Did I turn off the coffee pot this morning before leaving?"  But there is one thing that should never be an afterthought that has become so for many people.  Relationships.

First let us look at the definition of the word.

Af·ter·thought   /ˈæftərˌθɔt, ˈɑf-/  Spelled[af-ter-thawt, ahf-] noun

1. a later or second thought; reconsideration.

2. reflection after an act; an appropriate explanation, answer, expedient, or the like, conceived of too late for the occasion.

3. something added, as a part or feature, that was not included in the original plan or design: The vestry was added to the church as an afterthought.

Hmmm, from that definition I don't think I would like to put any of my relationships in the category of afterthoughts. (Ok, maybe the casual relationship can fit here- especially if it is the rude kid behind the cash register at McDonald's, or that bossy parent volunteer coordinator at the neighborhood school.)  Unfortunately for our culture many relationships have fallen into the afterthought department. Extended family, marriages, and sadly children - especially children of divorce.  From my limited clinical experience children often become the casualties of adult marital choices.  I regularly tell parents of divorce that their children are the victims - they did not choose their parents and they most definitely did not choose their parents divorce. After the divorce, when the parents have moved on, some children become an afterthought.

What would happen if we actually shifted our focus and made our children our primary thoughts.  My son commented once in reference to a friends parents decision: "If you don't do right by your kids, what is the use?"  Now he was not saying that this friends parents needed to give their child everything they wanted regardless of how ridiculous (although many of our children would like us to think we must give them ALL their wants) instead he was reflecting on this families priorities.  And in this context I have found myself agreeing: If we don't make our children one of our top priorities, what is the use? But for many we live our lives with priorities badly askew. 

So what are we to do to put things back into balance? 

~First simply take a look around - if a stranger were to walk into your home what would they see? The Bible says: For where your treasure is, there will your heart will be also (Matt. 6:21) What does your environment reflect?  What about your possessions and the sacrifices you may be making to own those possessions?  I have seen many homes with empty rooms full of toys but all the kids are requesting is more attention from their parents.  Kids actually feel bought by the stuff if they don't get the attention. In many families finances are more a primary thought than the effect a decision may have on the children.

~Second, are you present AND participating? Currently the biggest complaint by kids (teens and elementary ages) is parents that are physically in the home but disengaged from them - "busy doing other things". I have spoken with spouses that are craving one on one, face to face time with their significant others that does not involve any electronic interruptions.  Ask yourself: When was the last time I fully focused only on someone I love?  We should do it daily- yes, daily. 

~Third, what do they hear you saying? Are you encouraging, congratulating, condemning, correcting...? Do they hear please and thank-you? Do you listen when they talk? Do you tell them you love or appreciate them?  Surprisingly enough we don't encourage or congratulate enough in our daily lives- in the work place, the home, or the school.  We will typically place a complaint before we place a compliment.

~Fourth, make decisions based on the effect they have on the entire family system.  None of us are isolated in a family, every decision made effects at least one other person in the system. It is simple cause and effect decision making.

So let your afterthoughts be the unimportant things in your life not the things that really make a difference after you die.

I Feel Like A Terrible Person

Our topic comes to us today from the lips of a brand new mother, and since there are many new mothers in my family at the present I figure we should probably talk about a topic no one ever mentions.  It's not that it is taboo (like whether you should work or stay home full time), it's not that it is embarrassing (like why we don't really have any interest in sex right after the baby is born), it's ignorance.  We actually believe that we are the only ones that had this particular experience - thus there is something wrong with us- and we are too afraid to check our facts.  It is the startling realization that I don't really like being a parent of a newborn child.  Let me reassure you ladies, this is normal - really it is.  There are many reasons for this particular personal realization so pick the one that fits (or the one that makes you feel the least guilty- you are a mom now...)

1) RAGING hormones! Your body is a battle ground for mood swings and cravings.  You eat things now that you would never have considered before, and then you justify it with the excuse "I'm nursing."  You want to hug your husband and slap him silly in the same 60 second span.  And you find yourself still crying at babies and puppies in commercials.  So don't take yourself too seriously - you are currently brain damaged to some extent. 

2) Sleep deprivation.  We all know the research on stress and how sleep is paramount to healthy living.  But unfortunately you are not getting any REM and it is not by your own personal choice.  This can make you a tad bit resentful to your new little bundle of flesh, to your husband, and possibly to the family pet- actually anyone who is currently sleeping.

3) You gave up a career.  You had a stable identity, one where people actually respected or at least appreciated you.  You may have even been making a difference in the world. Now you are at the beckon call of a tiny Hitler.  When people ask what you do for a living you say "I am a stay at home mother" and...... the conversation ends.  There are demeaning looks, disrespectful responses, or treating you like you were too stupid to keep a job.  All of which are not true, but hurt still the same. And your identity is tied to another person, not to you. 

4) You are selfish.  Or at least you feel like you are selfish. I did not realize how terribly selfish I was as a person until I had a child.  Can you believe I actually wanted to eat my OWN food and go to the bathroom alone! How terribly self centered of me, I know.  But becoming a mother shines a spot light on the little things we did do for ourselves on a regular basis- that were considered maintenance until the baby was born.

5) You can't accomplish anything. Some times you can't even seem to get dressed, much less showered and shaved.  And you have no reasonable explanation of why nothing really got done.  This is not necessarily the result of having a baby but is seen consistently with people that work from home, are looking for jobs, or have less structured jobs.  Some things take longer than you would expect (like remodeling always takes three times longer than the contractor says it will), and some times we actually accomplish more than is really measurable (like cuddling a sleeping baby). 

6) You have no time with my husband.  You haven't eaten a meal together because the baby is always fussy at dinnertime.  You don't have sex (when you finally want it again) because it is a choice between that or sleeping.  You have little expendable income so you can't justify going out and getting a babysitter.  And getting a babysitter means you would actually have to trust someone else to care for your child- another road block in parenthood.  But you miss him all the same, and you resent that the only conversation you have anymore is about bowel movements and spitting up.

All these, and more, are reasons for questioning whether you like being a parent. But you have just gone through the biggest change you will ever experience. One with rewards, punishments, laughter, tears, and love beyond measure.  NOTHING in life is like being a parent, the job that never pays off financially but rewards beyond anything you can imagine.  So give it time, you WILL adjust.

My Bad

As a parent it is important to do one thing very well.....taking responsibility. This can be seen in many ways like: taking out the trash before it fills the house with old diaper smells; buying groceries before we are eating saltines in as many ways a possible- with syrup for breakfast, peanut butter for lunch, and in casserole with white sauce; or doing laundry before my hubby has to wear my sons spider man undies.  But most importantly a parent must take responsibility for their shortcomings.  You know those mistakes we wish we did not make.  Those times we scream at our loved ones; those times we tell them that they might just need to live somewhere else; those times we get so angry we touch in not so loving manners.  Or those times we just don't stand up to the bar.  No matter the great excuses we may have, or the understandable reasons we may have failed, we still did not do right by those that we care about. It is a true parent that can take responsibility and admit their mistake.  It is not an apology to say "I am sorry but....." because that but justifies our mistake and negates the apology.  Instead it is paramount to say "I am sorry. I made a mistake."

Why is this so important?  Because it teaches our children that we are human. That we too make mistakes or do things we sometimes wish we had not.  That we can relate to their shortcomings because we have our own.  That it is OK to fail as long as we handle it well. And that we too need to be forgiven. 

With all that said I am now to the real point of today's blog.  I am sorry.  I have let you down and not been as reliable a source of information as I first intended to be.  And looking at my counter you have stuck by my side, regularly checking to see if I have come out of my disappearing closet.  Yes, I was busy.  Yes, I thought about writing occasionally.  Yes, I feel bad.  But none of that replaces the fact that I fell short.  So today I apologize for not blogging since March, and hope that my short message on responsibility will be taken as it is intended.  A lesson on self-responsibility.
 

Where is that fence line??????

Today’s question comes from some more than desperate adolescents…….When will this all end?????? The question is one I have heard repetitively from the desperate adolescent that has recently lost their cherished ______________ (you fill in the blank). They messed up, got caught, and the dreaded discipline was administered - loss of a privilege. Now they will tell you it was a right they lost not a privilege but from my perspective it was a motivator, a commodity, a behavior modifier. And it hurt, at least at first. (This is a key, pay close attention). The discipline hurt, at first, but if your teen is a SWC they figure out pretty quick they can actually live without whatever it was that you removed from their “able to do” list. Sorry, but once they figure that out, it is really not so effective a motivator. Oh they tell you it hurts, but truly SWC learn to live without it, and might even use it against you (how easy is it to keep track of a teenager WITHOUT their cell phone – so who is really being punished now?)

Case at hand: Teen lies, teen loses cell phone (good motivator choice here parents), teen is told they will get phone back when they can be trusted. Ok so we took a bad behavior we wanted to modify – lying - and gave the kid the motive to be more honest (get back my phone). BUT we made the standard too obscure. Really. Think about it for just one second. If you were at work and your boss said to you “You did not meet the company financial goal for this month so we are going to give you an incentive. You will get a 5% raise when your productivity rises.” Ok, we have the identified behavior- meet company financial goal; we have the incentive/motivator – 5% raise; what was the definable expectation again? – when productivity rises- rises how much, for how long? Pretty difficult task since it wasn’t very well defined. We as an employee might not be too motivated by this approach. (And if you are a strong willed adult (SWA) you might say no to the idea completely.) Well this is what often happens with our kids. We identify the behavior we don’t want – lying; we identify the motivator – loss of phone; but we give no clear set definition of when said privilege will be returned (sorry, when you can be trusted is not clear enough, much too subjective). The teen sees this as un-accomplishable because they don’t know exactly what you mean as an adult when you say something like “when you can be trusted.” Other favorite adult obscurities include: when you are respectful; when I know I can believe you; when you are reliable; when you can be counted on……..get the idea?

The adolescent brain is growing, just like the preschool brain (this is why people say that teens act like toddlers) – and growing brains present challenges for everyone around. Think about one of the good SWC parenting techniques: Clarity – they need the lines defined; to be told exactly what the expectation is. If you can’t give them a clear expectation with clear boundaries pick something else as the goal. For example: “You will lose your cell phone for two weeks. After two weeks you will get your phone back unless you lie to me again.” Clear enough? I know some of my SWA are going to say: “What about the lying during the two weeks? I can’t let them have their phone back if they lie in the two weeks can I?” Well if that is your expectation then you better say that: “You have lost your phone for two weeks because of lying to me. If you lie in that two week time we will start the two weeks over again on that day. After you have gone two full weeks without lying to me you can have your phone back. You will lose your phone if you lie to me again. If you like your phone- don’t lie to me.” (Phew, lengthy and overly detailed but often necessary for SWC.) You can even go as far as defining what lying is (this is necessary with many of our SWC because they are looking for ways to get outside the given expectation.) I define lying simply with one word: deception. When a telemarketer calls my house and asks if I am the owner of my house I can deceive them but still be honest – I can say the owner is not in, they aren’t – the mortgage company does not reside in my home but they currently own it. See? I was honest but I deceived the person because we all know they wanted to talk to me. Well SWC are masters at the deception game because they see the rules so very clearly-they just choose to function outside the lines when the lines are not clearly defined because it is a challenge (and often makes adults look bad).

So the moral of this long drawn out story? Good discipline defines: the problem/desired behavior; the motivator; and the expectations for resolution. To do any other way is less effective. To discipline our kids with out clearly defined expectations is unfair and typically unsuccessful in the long run. So please, at the request of millions of our precious children, just tell them exactly when and how they can restore their privileges and fulfill your expectations. And never forget – Let them know that you LOVE THEM!

The day has been hell, your SWC won more than you did, several noses are running, the dog escaped, and your husband is amorous....you find yourself asking "What did I get myself in to???" Of course we did not sit down and really consider the consequences of one night of passion before hand, we were in love and we thought we wanted to share the ultimate intimacy - children.  And now we realize that there is so little intimacy when you have children.  But consider for one moment how intimacy with your spouse and intimacy with your child is similar:

1. Physical infatuation: The first time they kicked inside your body, feeling like butterflies caressing the inside of your soul, you were smitten. Then the moment they were born, looking a bit like a raisin, you thought they were the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. You wanted to touch, smell, look, and check if they had all the necessary body parts.  You couldn't take your eyes off of them. You were infatuated.

2. Soul mates: The first time you looked into their eyes and waited to see who would be the first to look away. Those little dark eyes that seem to bore a hole right to the center of your heart. You knew at that moment that this was a forever deal, no backing down, no turning back.  You were meant for each other.

3. Reward well-sought: When you coaxed that first smile off their little lips. Some call it a response to visual stimuli or imitation. But we know better because they smile so differently for us than for strangers. The smile leads to squirms and wiggles, whole body happiness. And this is just the beginning - it lasts until the day we die.

4. Time alone: Late night and early morning feedings. The whole world sleeps as you alone have time with your baby. No phone calls, no interruptions, just you and your baby. It is found in the bathroom as you potty train your toddler, no one else has the patience to sit there for 30 minutes at a time, so you have time alone as you wait for success.

5. Shared interests: All you want is to love them to a healthy happy adult. No addictions; no short-falls; no big mistakes. All your baby wants is to be loved to healthy adulthood, no disappointing their parents or themselves.

6. 100% invested effort: Unfortunately this is not mutual at first. Your child relies completely on you for their every need physically and emotionally. Some day there will be a pay-off when they finally say “I love you” and you know they mean it. Until then it is a one sided effort with little equality. But it can be the most rewarding effort you will ever make.

In the day to day hassles, fights, punishments, and rewards it is important to remember that magic moment when you first decided to start a family. To create something as a couple unlike any other creation. Completely unique and totally brand new. Full of promise and love. The only holy creation that God needs our help with. But the most important decision that will cause us to cling tightly to God’s wisdom and direction to raise them until they no longer need us as parents but want us as friends. 

Sometimes it is important to keep our perspective on what is truly valuable and lasting – our relationship with our children.

Will I take responsibility for this??

I have come to the conclusion that we love to blame our parents for all our character flaws. “It’s not my fault, it’s my parents fault” is the battle cry of the 1960’s - thank you Dr. Spock. We have been misled as a generation, terribly. “Misled?” you say, “How? Are we not a product of our environment- our upbringing?” Yes misled. Consider it for a moment – if my parents are to blame for my problems it would go to figure they are responsible for my success also. Hmmm, perplexing…..do I really want them to get credit for my own personal accomplishments? If I remember correctly they did not attend college next to me, and ace the exams for me. They also did not make me stay up and cram for tests, or forget to turn in papers. No, that was really all up to my good and bad personal choices. So I don’t really think it is fair that I give them credit for one- the negatives, and not the other- the positives.

Let’s take this thought one step farther (which is always my intent): we as a culture seem to love to blame- personal responsibility is not a politically correct concept in many circles. For example how many times have you blamed a parent for their toddler’s selfish screams of MINE! when it disturbs your peace. How many times do we think to ourselves “Keep your kid quiet” when a baby is howling on the air plane? (as if the parent has that much power over their individual child) Yes, I admit that I do have a certain amount of influence on my child’s behavioral decisions but I only have influence, I can not honestly control my child. I can create an environment but I cannot force a behavior. No the reality is God created man with this terrible characteristic – free will. Yes, we can choose both positive and negative. It is our choice. No matter what I do: bribe; manipulate; guilt; beg; threaten; berate….my child makes the final decision about their behavioral choices.

So as we apply this to our own parenting experience, let us take a step back and sigh a big sigh of relief. We are truly free of the guilt if we chose to be. We no longer must own our teenagers rebellious behaviors and decisions. IF you have been a bad parent, IF you have been a good parent, IF you have been a mediocre parent I now proclaim you FREE. Free from berating yourself. Because the reality of the situation is no matter what you did you CANNOT take more credit for your kid’s success than their failures. The reality of the situation is my kids succeed because THEY CHOOSE TO. I may have taught them the skills BUT they make the choice. (And I know plenty of good kids that came from really bad homes, and bad kids that came from really good homes.)

From this day forward refuse to stand with the crowd and do not blame your parents for your past. It is what it is. What you made out of it was up to you, not them. And from this day forward let your kids own their choices, good and bad. We only can create a healthy environment and pray that our kids will florish, but we are not to blame ourselves if they choose to do poorly - it is out of our control. (Hmmm, control, that seems like a whole other topic!)

Kids perspective of Holidays

This holiday we take a humorous look at the possible thoughts of a toddler during the holidays.  I think it might go something like this:

At the mall: What? Huh? What? Who was that? What? Wow! Pretty! Stay back! Why are we standing in one place so long? Would you just do this while I am sleeping please. Wait a minute, what is with this complete stranger? Why are you giving me to a big, fat, hairy, stranger? What is he laughing so hard about? And why do you look so happy about all this? No! Put me down! Seriously you want a picture now? Just get me out of this strangers arms and hold me tight, I know you.

At home: Wow someone brought the yard inside. What is with the tree in the house? Wait a minute that looks really cool with all its sparkles and lights. I MUST touch it, I just gotta. And how about that cool doll stuff on the table, why there is even a baby to play with. I must touch it, I just gotta. What about that big cookie building on the counter, and all that candy. I must touch it, and I gotta eat it. See, touch, taste, that’s what it is all about.

At a childless friend or relatives home: Wow they put the yard inside their house too. Hey look even more dolls and stuff to touch on the tables. What? No? You have gotta be kidding. All these pretty things and all I get is NO. Really that is so unreasonable, you know I just gotta touch it, I just gotta.

The food: Give me what I know, nothing more, nothing less. If you think I must try something new happy don’t force it if I start gagging. But don’t skimp on the desserts, especially the frosted cookies with sprinkles! I love sprinkles! I really love sprinkles!

About Mom and Dad: You know I think we need to talk guys. You seem pretty up tight lately. And I think I might be seeing the baby sitter more than I see you. What’s with all the stuff under that tree in the house? How come I hear you say No every time I get close enough to explore it all? I really think pretty shiny stuff is there for me to explore, it only makes sense. If I can’t touch why is it even there? You know see, touch, taste, that’s what it’s all about. And when I do finally get to touch it, I will love the box and noisy paper the most. Completely fascinating.

So this Christmastake a moment every day and look at the wonder of Christmas as your child does.  And if you are blessed with snow be sure to make a few snow angels together followed by hot chocolate and those amazing frosted Christmas cookies with sprinkles! May you find the Christ in Christmas through the eyes of your child.